Heartbreak Hotel Premiere
Curtains Exhibition
A pop up one night bedroom. An interactive art installation.
Are we sharing the truth or what we think the world wants to see? Are we scared of being alone and confuse this with feeling lonely? Are we vulnerable enough? Is today’s zeitgeist individuals in a brief happy moment exposed to the public eye? Followed by another. Followed by another. Another person and another moment in the timelines of our lives; a word that is more synonymous with Facebook than it is with our non-virtual lives. The harder moments such as loss, betrayal and heartbreak are less often shared. Are we supposed to internalize the less good with ourselves? So often we watch the love stories of others, yet they often feel like our own. On our screens it is our friends. In the cinema it is the characters inspired by our friends’ friends.
Some realizations after this experiment:
1. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely
2. Each day we can improve how honest we are with ourselves, friends and family
3. The love we experience is a part of our infinite hearts. Each person is a puzzle piece for this grand and magical organ that leads our journeys every day
4. Tears are more unique than smiles. A teardrop is a beautiful creation.
The little big city
Each night thousands of people my age go to bed with their partners, alone or with their new lovers. A bed is one of the darkest locations during heartbreak.
Two weeks after a break up; of morning and night tears, nostalgic agony, questions, answers, a lot of journaling and even a heartbreak barometer to measure my pain- growth from 1-10 each day.
While sitting in the heartbreak club in our gallery, I sat with friends and observed the passers by while they observed us. The transparency triggered a rush of vulnerability and the space, surrounded by friends and strangers, eradicated my sense of loneliness.
Within a moment, I decided to challenge myself and my heart and thought it could be an interesting experiment to sleep in the gallery. Fully exposed from the ground level floor.
From being lonely to being alone and from being sad to vulnerable to dreaming of brighter moments to an honest life ever since. It unleashed a new energy in me. That’s for sure.
And this is what happened.
Some scenes- not in this order:
Street Overview
Me in the bedroom alone
Me sleeping
Lucas painting my dreams
Wake up
People looking inside to see what’s going on
Me not being able to sleep
Some Journal Entries:
A Journal of heartbreak
I realize now that it was the time I spent with you. How close we became and how much we spent together that it made it so hard when it ended. Of course there is also the balance I felt when you were with me. I’m sorry for ever judging you. I am now in a place that I wish you happiness. I wish for you to become a rabbi. To marry and have many children. And
Gaslight- the play/ whereby the couple sitting in room and its dark and gets darker and darker
I didn’t think I wouldn’t be able to pleasure myself…
How did he move on so quickly. I can’t touch myself let alone someone else.
Maybe it’s the ptsd from fears or stress from work- all I have been doing since we broke up.
Do a 2 min silence for him every day and that’s it
Every time I get emotional I get a fever and goose bumps all over my body
21 days. Aiming for that. Today is day 21. The last day. Big day of release
I wish I had only bad memories
I wish I could think about all the things I didn’t like only
I wish you never told me you loved me
I wish you didn’t become my best friend
I wish you didn’t say most of the things you said
I wish you were just this guy I saw at parties
I wish I didn’t trust in you so much
I wish I didn’t see your secret smile
I wish I didn’t ever kiss you
I wish I never hugged you
I wish I never lay next to you
It’s 330am. I can’t sleep. I am wondering if you can’t either. Today I resist messaging you. I feel so vulnerable and sad. You actually loved me. Maybe even briefly. But you did. And I’m grateful.
1330 after 4 hours sleep. On tinder talking to a guy about my heart not being open. I mean. Does he actually care haha
I’m on a new journey with myself.
If my daughter was sad I would tell her that she wanted her heart to be opened entirely and she also wanted to experience heartbreak. And now she has and that soon she will find a much greater love that will not end with heartbreak.
Saturday – You told me sorry for abusing me and it made me emotional but it helped me release
The last time we had sex was in the hotel and you came early and I was close to orgasm. In Scotland.
Thank you for teaching me a lot. For amazing love times. And for being my best friend for an entire year. For teaching me about calmness and how gossiping is boring. And how to judge people less. I adore you And do hope for you to be happy.
Little big city- when I sit on the rocks and I look out, I feel there is a high chance you’re in the sea or on the beach. You’re one of the dots I can see. With another girl. And it’s ok. I’m dancing with myself on the rocks. With my bra. Feeling sexy. Not thanks to you
Second heartbreak:
Every tear is a creation. And memory. Whether it is mourning someone no longer alive or a love you have lost, or even a friend that is no longer tour friend, it is time to remember why the tears are important. Each one represents a moment of creation.
Tear anger- Bathrobe… Is he another boyfriend that just wanted a piece of the Sharonna cake.. the popular, beautiful, funny, ambitious Sharonna..
Tear memory- leaving house for first time and seeing where he dropped me off last night and now crossing the crossroad he used to love me owning and crossing and then the petrol station with the puncher wheel
How did it end and why does everything remind me of him
What we are looking for is what is looking— St Francis
Curtains Exhibition
A pop up one night bedroom. An interactive art installation.
Are we sharing the truth or what we think the world wants to see? Are we scared of being alone and confuse this with feeling lonely? Are we vulnerable enough? Is today’s zeitgeist individuals in a brief happy moment exposed to the public eye? Followed by another. Followed by another. Another person and another moment in the timelines of our lives; a word that is more synonymous with Facebook than it is with our non-virtual lives. The harder moments such as loss, betrayal and heartbreak are less often shared. Are we supposed to internalize the less good with ourselves? So often we watch the love stories of others, yet they often feel like our own. On our screens it is our friends. In the cinema it is the characters inspired by our friends’ friends.
Some realizations after this experiment:
1. There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely
2. Each day we can improve how honest we are with ourselves, friends and family
3. The love we experience is a part of our infinite hearts. Each person is a puzzle piece for this grand and magical organ that leads our journeys every day
4. Tears are more unique than smiles. A teardrop is a beautiful creation.
The little big city
Each night thousands of people my age go to bed with their partners, alone or with their new lovers. A bed is one of the darkest locations during heartbreak.
Two weeks after a break up; of morning and night tears, nostalgic agony, questions, answers, a lot of journaling and even a heartbreak barometer to measure my pain- growth from 1-10 each day.
While sitting in the heartbreak club in our gallery, I sat with friends and observed the passers by while they observed us. The transparency triggered a rush of vulnerability and the space, surrounded by friends and strangers, eradicated my sense of loneliness.
Within a moment, I decided to challenge myself and my heart and thought it could be an interesting experiment to sleep in the gallery. Fully exposed from the ground level floor.
From being lonely to being alone and from being sad to vulnerable to dreaming of brighter moments to an honest life ever since. It unleashed a new energy in me. That’s for sure.
And this is what happened.
Some scenes- not in this order:
Street Overview
Me in the bedroom alone
Me sleeping
Lucas painting my dreams
Wake up
People looking inside to see what’s going on
Me not being able to sleep
Some Journal Entries:
A Journal of heartbreak
I realize now that it was the time I spent with you. How close we became and how much we spent together that it made it so hard when it ended. Of course there is also the balance I felt when you were with me. I’m sorry for ever judging you. I am now in a place that I wish you happiness. I wish for you to become a rabbi. To marry and have many children. And
Gaslight- the play/ whereby the couple sitting in room and its dark and gets darker and darker
I didn’t think I wouldn’t be able to pleasure myself…
How did he move on so quickly. I can’t touch myself let alone someone else.
Maybe it’s the ptsd from fears or stress from work- all I have been doing since we broke up.
Do a 2 min silence for him every day and that’s it
Every time I get emotional I get a fever and goose bumps all over my body
21 days. Aiming for that. Today is day 21. The last day. Big day of release
I wish I had only bad memories
I wish I could think about all the things I didn’t like only
I wish you never told me you loved me
I wish you didn’t become my best friend
I wish you didn’t say most of the things you said
I wish you were just this guy I saw at parties
I wish I didn’t trust in you so much
I wish I didn’t see your secret smile
I wish I didn’t ever kiss you
I wish I never hugged you
I wish I never lay next to you
It’s 330am. I can’t sleep. I am wondering if you can’t either. Today I resist messaging you. I feel so vulnerable and sad. You actually loved me. Maybe even briefly. But you did. And I’m grateful.
1330 after 4 hours sleep. On tinder talking to a guy about my heart not being open. I mean. Does he actually care haha
I’m on a new journey with myself.
If my daughter was sad I would tell her that she wanted her heart to be opened entirely and she also wanted to experience heartbreak. And now she has and that soon she will find a much greater love that will not end with heartbreak.
Saturday – You told me sorry for abusing me and it made me emotional but it helped me release
The last time we had sex was in the hotel and you came early and I was close to orgasm. In Scotland.
Thank you for teaching me a lot. For amazing love times. And for being my best friend for an entire year. For teaching me about calmness and how gossiping is boring. And how to judge people less. I adore you And do hope for you to be happy.
Little big city- when I sit on the rocks and I look out, I feel there is a high chance you’re in the sea or on the beach. You’re one of the dots I can see. With another girl. And it’s ok. I’m dancing with myself on the rocks. With my bra. Feeling sexy. Not thanks to you
Second heartbreak:
Every tear is a creation. And memory. Whether it is mourning someone no longer alive or a love you have lost, or even a friend that is no longer tour friend, it is time to remember why the tears are important. Each one represents a moment of creation.
Tear anger- Bathrobe… Is he another boyfriend that just wanted a piece of the Sharonna cake.. the popular, beautiful, funny, ambitious Sharonna..
Tear memory- leaving house for first time and seeing where he dropped me off last night and now crossing the crossroad he used to love me owning and crossing and then the petrol station with the puncher wheel
How did it end and why does everything remind me of him
What we are looking for is what is looking— St Francis